This New Feeling of Contentment
Hello! Welcome back to BreeAshley!
In my life right now, I am learning how to be content. I went from grade school to a college with changing schedules every semester. There was constant change every year.
For those who do not know, I work for a mental health outpatient facility where I started out by working at the front desk office, I loved that job! I moved out of my parents' house and moved 2 hours away to live on my own. Time had passed, I made it a full year on my own and working at this job! I was so proud of myself. To give you some background information on why that is so significant; I have always moved around in jobs. I worked through high school and then had summer jobs. I worked through college and more summer jobs. I never had a job for more than a few months. I was so ready to make that year mark. It came to the year mark, and I was like now what. I was ready for something to change in my life. Nothing changed, though. The day after my 1-year mark, I woke up and went to the same job I had been going to since I started. I honestly was very disappointment and frustrated. I had a long talk with my supervisor at the time and she encouraged me to be content. I honestly have never been really content. I have always been searching for what is next, always on the move...Until I heard the word "contentment".
Contentment. What does that even mean? Contented from Merriam-Webster states: "feeling or showing satisfaction with one's possessions, status, or situation". What does that look like for me? I hated that feeling of figuring out what content looked like for me. I kept telling people, my word for the year is contentment. To be honest, I don't think I was ever content. Until now.
I have been recently single and exploring what that looks like for me. This feeling that I have is an amazing feeling. I cannot even begin to describe how I feel. It is unbelievable how content I am. I could not feel this way without God. One thing right now that is so frustrating is that, this feeling comes and goes. That amazing feeling shows up for a day or two and then it's gone. I start to feel trapped and began struggling with worrying again. I am a worrier and a planner. I have to have my life planned out for me and then I go and worry about what will happen in the next 5 minutes. For those who know me, know that I have been this way for a long time. I have everyone always telling me to "go with the flow". I struggle with this concept. I do not get how to let go and go with the flow. It goes against every bone in my body. Knowing this and writing this down to you all has made me realize that this is something that is hindering me from being content in my life. To be quite open, I think this is why I do not feel any peace. I got to thinking about this and realized that peace and contentment, for me at least, go hand and hand.
So, how do I become more at peace in my life? How do I become content where I am at in life? I know the obvious answer: God. That obvious answer feel like a duhh moment but I still feel like I am missing something. I am writing to you today with an unanswered question. Maybe it's because I do not want to let go of the control. Maybe I don't have both feet in, right now. Maybe I am chasing a dream that is mine, not what God's dream is for me. I am not sure why I still feel stuck. I do know for a fact that the feeling that I had was something I want to chase. I know that God gave me that strength and I know that I could not feel that way without Him.
I encourage you to ponder on this: Do you feel content in your life? Do you feel at peace where you are at now? There is nothing wrong with wanting more in life but I think it becomes an issue when it consumes you. Which is where I am at right now. This is my challenge for myself to keep digging into this. I want to live a life that is full of peace and contentment through Christ. Hopefully, I can come back and let you know what I have found.
I encourage you to read Philippians 4:6-7. This passage reminds to be present and not think about the worries. While I am still doing research, I encourage you to research some more verses in the Bible that talk about contentment and peace. I even encourage you to share those verses you found to me.
Be real. Be honest. Be you.
